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Happy Birthday Wayland!

Dear Wayland,

I can't believe that tomorrow is going to be our second birthday without you. This used to be such a happy time for me, our birthdays and then Halloween, change of seasons, and pumpkin patches. Now it just feels empty without you here. I've cried a lot this month, missing you, remembering what it used to be like, imagining that you would be so excited for your birthday and trick-or-treating and wishing so badly that I could hold you and see you smile again. I wonder what your latest craze would be, another superhero, playing the Wii-U, would you play any sports? What would you want for your birthday? What would you dress up as for halloween? How would you be doing in kindegarten?

Amelia and I went to your kindegarten class yesterday to bring in a treat in honor of your birthday. We brought in Vanilla milk cartons for everyone, remember how that was your favorite to get at Starbuck's? All the kids were excited and excited to talk about you. They said a prayer for you, sang happy birthday and put on a little show for me and Amelia. Mrs. Brink gave us gifts too, Amelia got a princess wand (she loves it) which is perfect because she is going to be Glinda, from the "Wizard of Oz" for Halloween. She's adorable in her costume and cannot wait to go trick-or-treating. At school we watched your friends when they were in the hall and some of them were acting silly and I asked Amelia if she thought you would ever get in trouble if you were in school now. She thought you would. You were silly and loved to laugh, I figure that might get you in trouble from time to time.

I miss the dynamic you would bring to the family. Amelia is a such a different person than you. She is so independent and determined, more moody than you were, shy in crowds, and she behaves way different for me than she does for anyone else. I know you would have balanced each other out. She does have some of your qualities though and know you would have loved playing together. She loves Zingo, watching Curious George, playing with toy characters, gets frustrated when she can't get them to stand or sit. Daddy makes her laugh so hard just like he did for you. I know she misses your presence all the time, especially during special times, like when she started school and now as we approach your birthday. She was crying yesterday because she missed you after we visited your kindegarten class. Those are the moments I wish we could reach up to heaven to give you a big hug.

Daddy and I have talked about how much about you we're starting to forget. Things you would say, how your voice sounded. Its painful as we watch time lapse and our separation from you gets longer. My only consolation is the "big picture." Knowing that you are where you're meant to be, where we're all meant to be and that you are safe, healthy, and so happy. When you were taking your last breaths on earth, all I could think of is that you deserved to run and play and laugh and be free of the illness that had taken hold of your body. You are free and I can't wait to be with again, Wayland. I miss you so much.

Happy Birthday, Wayland. Mommy loves you, is so proud of you, and thinks you are so brave and strong. I learn from you all the time. I know you are with Jesus, so don't forget to ask him to help us down here.

Love you always,


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My original endeavor was to share our story of losing a child to a brain tumor and our journey to help find a cure for pediatric brain cancer. That is not changing, but our journey is. Let me take you along. 

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